Building Them A Firm Foundation

If you asked me what my number one priority was 20 years ago, the 18 year old Casey would have told you that getting into a good college, having an impressive career in fashion and moving to the Big City was it. It tickles me how my life looks nothing like I planned it out so strategically all those years ago. The younger me never knew there was more. That life was so much sweeter than any of that. That excitement didn’t have to come from vices, freedom wasn’t in being single, and my purpose wasn’t going to be found in my career. It was much simpler and completely unexpected. My purpose was in who I was created to be. Child of God, wife, and mother…

Being a mother is the most challenging duty of them all. I take this duty seriously. It is a matter of eternal life, after all. Up until recently, I found myself in constant shame and guilt every time I made a mistake with my children. Not because they didn’t play enough sports, or go to public school, or get the toy they asked for. No, it was the guilt of not being patient enough, gentle at the right time, or if I didn’t discipline correctly, it all gave me great anxiety that I may be failing them. Thankfully, God has lifted the burden. He has laid it in my heart that all I need to do is teach them the Bible, pray for them and with them, and He will do everything else. ‘Lay the foundation, and I will help them build the rest.’ 

Molding young Christians in a world that wants them to be everything but is its own cross to bear as a parent. Parenting as Christians should be a heavy load. We should be battling for their souls every day. We must not be passive, but intentional in how we are raising them up. Every decision falls on our shoulders. We must take responsibility that our children are a result of us! 

Yet, so many Christian parents have become passive without even realizing it. This is because they have outsourced their parental responsibilities. From their children’s academic education to all the extra curricular activities. Most importantly, we’ve outsourced our children’s Biblical education with the “hope” that the weekly church visits will be sufficient enough to make our children virtuous adults someday.

Another problem is that many Christian parents have a worldly mindset. One of those worldly ideas comes in the form of how they guide their young adult children to date. I've witnessed over and over parents supporting casually dating and discouraging marriage at a younger age. These parents are actively encouraging their children to pursue their own passions and to think of marriage after they’ve established their careers, finances or are more emotionally mature. (P.s., we’re never emotionally mature enough for marriage.)

More and more, I’ve been disheartened to realize that fellow Christians are skirting their sacred God-bestowed duties as parents. I’ve witnessed a trend of Christian parents having become lax in the guidance of their children’s salvation. In particular, sex itself seems to be rarely instilled as something incredibly sacred. While, yes, most Christian parents would say that they would “prefer” their child to wait to have sex until after they are married. Simultaneously, they are encouraging their children to wait to get married, as well. Surely we are not expecting our hormonal young adults to keep their burning loins cooled until they are 30?

For the past few decades, we have made it the norm to celebrate a young woman for being “career driven”. Causing them and the men in their lives to avoid the natural progression of marriage. This causes vital Biblical steps to be skipped. I can have my cake and eat it too. I can have my career and play marriage by “moving in with my significant other”. Look, we’re in a committed relationship, ma! I heard a country song on the radio just recently that outlines this order as today’s romance. At the end of the song, he asks the girl, not to marry him, but to move in with him and that was the end of the love story. Huh??

Long are the days of the fella asking his high school sweetheart to marry him. Then moving into a home together. Then having all the babies. Instead, we’re now into the 5th generation of youth being told that marriage is prison time and that children are a death sentence. Instead, we push the idea that getting into college is necessary. That having a career should be their top priority. That sleeping with multiple people is called dating. We’re telling girls it’s better to test drive the car before you buy it. And we’re telling our boys that they can get the milk for free. And this is all somehow better for them and societal progression. 

Let me not mislead you, my friend. I am not writing this rambling on my high throne of purity. I was that young girl. The one who grew up in the church. But I was never told ANYTHING about sex from the adults in my life. I learned what my heathen peers pressed on me. I had MTV, Sex in the City, Britney Spears, and young men who watched porn to tell me what I was supposed to be as a young woman. I wish I had had someone to tell me about what God’s word says about sex. I wish an adult would have told me how valuable I was. I wish my parents would have explained to why sex was sacred. I wish I had an aunt that encouraged me to get married young. I wish I was taught that it was important to date with purpose. That finding a husband was the whole point. That getting married was good. That being a mother was a blessing. That I didn’t have to go to college. That I didn’t have to live on my own. That I didn’t have to wait so long to have children. That I was indeed designed to be a wife and mother. I wish someone would have told me my value was not in the college I went to, the career I had, but in what God made me for. I wish I had been told freedom was not in being single and childless, but that true freedom was in Christ. I wish I had not chased love through toxic relationships and self-destructive habits, but that love was found in a home with a faithful man and sweet babies that think you hang the moon itself.  

Of course I wouldn’t change any of it. It all made me who I am now. Alas, here I am, having to break chains and generational curses. I won’t let my sons grow up that way. Lost and aimless. Tumbling and crashing into destruction over and over. Desperately searching in the darkness. It’s time, fellow Christian mamas, to raise up conservative children. It’s time to build up our boys to become virtuous men. Men who are humble, yet strong. Who are capable to resist the buffet of temptations this fallen world offers them at every turn. Men who value women the way Jesus did. That will not only protect them physically but emotionally and spiritually. Men who will date with purpose. Men who will seek out a wife. A woman who has the same values as they do. A woman who knows the importance of having a husband. That longs to have children. One that is thrilled to be a homemaker. A helper. A caretaker. Who has so much of God’s love in her that she is eager to share it with her family some day. This is what I will not only pray for for my sons, but I will instill in them.

As I am currently reading the book of Ruth, it makes me think of my own life. Like Naomi, I have two sons and a husband. My boys recognized this when we read from the book during our homeschool time yesterday. They went from being their usual silly selves to solemn as we read on, understanding this could easily be us. As we finish the story next week, they’ll see how God will take something we completely messed up and turn it into something beautiful once again. They’ll see a man of great valor, kind and generous, trustworthy and protective. They’ll see a woman, patient and honorable, submissive and meek, bold and full of faith. We want our sons to be Boaz’s and our daughter’s to be Ruth’s, ya’ll!

To the mamas that are raising Ruth’s and prayerfully my future daughter-in-laws…First, I pray for your daughter. I can’t wait to meet these two women who will hold my son’s hearts someday. 

To all the girl mamas, it’s time to raise up conservative girls. Girls who value their bodies and souls. Ones who are taught that they are daughters of The King. And are therefore royalty. Girls who will grow up to be strong, virtuous women. Women that respect men. That will be inspirational through their acts of faith. That will be slow to speak and quick to listen. That will love her family the way God loves her. One who will give grace freely. That will not be of this world. That will not eat of the fruit. But will seek God’s wisdom and be obedient all her days. One who will have an unshakeable faith. That will praise in the storms she will most certainly endure. That will not spin nor toil. For she knows who she is, whom she belongs to, and what she was so perfectly, and beautifully designed to do in this fallen world. Prepare her not for a master’s degree, but to be the keeper of her home and of her family’s hearts. 

To the young women, there is no perfect time to start a family, as time is fleeting faster than we can imagine. The experience of life, marriage, children, all of it is what forces us to grow up. I dare say that without a family we never truly live a full life. So many mysteries are discovered only in the moments that are wrapped up within these human beings that are permanent pieces of our souls. SAT scores, awards and trophies, college degrees, the high paying job, titles and promotions, expensive vacations, all the stuff, none of it will ever love you back. None of it will ever satisfy us. If we put all of our “drive” into these things, we will only be left disappointed. Or worse, we will become dependent upon and numb to this world. We must prioritize our children’s salvation. We must get to work and begin building for them a firm foundation. We must continue to encourage them no matter their age. We must be a pillar of faith all their days.

For parents with children of any age, even grown, and for the children themselves, we must ask these questions…what is God’s will for our lives? What is God’s plan? What does God want for us to prioritize? The answers are laid out for us in scripture. (I'll list just a few below.)

Remember that it is not too late to change course. Not if we are still living and breathing, it is not too late. As a mother, as a young woman, as an Aunt, as a church leader, as a friend. If you see a child not being taught in the ways of our God, speak Jesus to them. Start by praying for them. Talk about Jesus in your life. Gift them a Bible. Invite them to church. Send them a birthday gift with a card or note with encouraging words and scripture verses. If they are older children or young adults, have a real conversation with them. Teach them God's wisdom. Love them in a way so that in you they may see Christ's light.

Many blessings friends,

Casey G.

The Shopkeeper

P.S. Please feel free to share this posting with them! Per request, I've opened up the comments area below to allow for your respectful thoughts and wisdom.

Proverbs 22:6 ~ Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Psalm 127:3–5 ~ Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,the fruit of the womb a reward.Like arrows in the hand of a warriorare the children of one’s youth.Blessed is the manwho fills his quiver with them!

Deuteronomy 6:5–9 ~ You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Isaiah 54:13 ~ All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children.

2 Timothy 3:14-17~ But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

3 John 1:4 ~ I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Proverbs 31:27-28 ~ She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

2 Timothy 1:5 ~ I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well.

Deuteronomy 4:9 ~ Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children

Genesis 9:7 ~ And you, be fruitful and multiply, increase greatly on the earth and multiply in it.”

Psalm 139:13-14 ~ For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Matthew 18:5 ~ Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me.

1 Timothy 5:10 ~ And having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work.

Psalm 78:4 ~ We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the LORD, and his might, and the wonders that he has done.

Proverbs 1:8 ~ Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching.

1 Peter 3:3-4 ~ Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Titus 2:3-5 ~ Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Genesis 2:24 ~ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Ephesians 5:33 ~ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

1 Peter 3:7 ~ Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.